It's that time again, new goal book time! And for something that is of my own making and that should be my own rules, I'm having some difficulty.
For instance: goals of years past I've "replaced" when they became impractical or not very possible (like the swimming goal, since we no longer belong to the gym and don't have access to a pool), but what about when I just don't like them any more, or I've moved past that particular pastime? Is that okay? I can't make my mind up about that, which is ridiculous because it's my bloody goal book and supposed to be fun!
Well, fun and challenging, I suppose, which leads to the next question... how much to push myself? I'd had "days of morning pages" as a goal, because I thought I could do that (stupid "read a self-help book" book challenge category!), but I know I didn't do well with it last time...
I started on March 16th, and March 28th every reads:
Oh goodness, I missed a day. I just kept making excuses to "do it later" and... you know what? Fuck it. I can't even do this today. I dread and hate it so much. Goodbye, morning pages.
So I'm thinking that's not the goal for me, no matter how many people gush about it. Not everything is for everyone, I have to tell myself. Just because other people love and benefit from it doesn't mean you will. No matter how much you try. And putting in a goal I'm going to dread (I've never been much of a journal person, more of a list person) and probably never do will lead right back to the earlier conundrum in a year or two, the ethics of switching out goals you just don't want to do.
I might be overthinking this. It is supposed to be fun, right? And it doesn't count for anything. No one else even cares! I should be able to replace goals if I want to. ...maybe.
I don't think it means what you think it means. In fact, I know it does not.
Yes, this is a petty, silly thing to be annoyed about, but annoyed I am.
Lately, there has been a bit of an epidemic of people creating FB accounts with other people's names and sending friend requests to all of their friends. Why? No idea. Not entirely sure what the point of it is, or what they hope to get. Whatever the reason, the one thing that did not happen?
You were not "hacked".
Please stop saying that. "Hacked" would be if they took over your legitimate FB page, not creating one impersonating you.
Nor is it "hacking" when someone uses your name on a different email account to send your friends spam and virus-ladened emails. Again, "hacking" is when they take over your actual email account (this did happen a lot to Yahoo accounts a bit back).
You were not "hacked".
The more times I'm told to go vote, the less I want to. I've voted in primaries and general elections for quite a while now, and never have I so not wanted to. I just don't. Even. Care.
Because no one want me to just "vote". They don't care about me exercising my rights. What they mean, and what they should just say, is, "you need to go out and vote the way I want you to, or really, I'm just okay with you keeping your ignorant ass home because you suck."
To keep it as non-political as possible, imagine they want to combine the American League and National League and have the same rules. This means deciding on the contentious designated hitter rule. Some love it, some hate it. Let's say you like it, but you know your friends hates it. This friends has expressed lackluster interest in voting.
How hard do you try to convince them to vote? Do you say, "But you must, your voice must be heard!", or do you just kinda go, "eh, yeah, if you really don't want to vote, whatever, it's all good."
If you say the first, you're obviously very principled or simply don't have very strong feelings on the designated hitter rule. So, in your own head, go ahead and slide your candidate of choice in there. Still the same?
Mike Rowe did a piece on why blind voting (telling people to vote no matter what they know about the issues/candidates) isn't great. If you really don't know, why should you vote? Why are celebrities urging people, regardless of if they even know who's running (think state-level races), to get out there and vote? Aren't they missing a step? Maybe it's implied that they should learn about politics first, but... that's one of those things that should actually be said. If you don't know the candidates stance on at least three issues near and dear to your heart... why are you voting for them? Because some celebrity said to? Yeah.
So you know what? I don't care if you vote. I don't care if you skip voting all together, or only fill out the part on local bond issues, or just vote on a sales tax question. You do whatever makes you happy.
I haven't decided what I'm going to do yet.
Hey, for once, I wrote more than I needed to on the first day! No editing, and very little sense is being made. I have ZERO idea where this is going. NONE.( Okay, honestly, I never meant to do it. The words just slipped out of my mouth, and suddenly, the dead girl was me and I was... someone else. Wait, hold on, I realize that makes no sense, let me back up just a minute.Collapse )
Setting: North Dakota Sheriff's Office. Two deputies sit a desks at computers, suddenly the door to a back office bursts open and a harried-looking sheriff races out.
Sheriff: Oh my god, there are tens of thousands of them now!
Deputy 1: What? Where?
Sheriff: Protesting! Thousands just checked in on Facebook! Now what will we do?
Deputy 2; Uh, the same thing we have been?
Deputy 1: Yeah, it's just some viral thing, they're not really there.
Sheriff: How can you be sure?
Deputy 1: It's all over the internet? Stories everywhere on how to check in.
Sheriff: Oh. But now we won't know who's there and not!
Deputy 2: Except we're here. We can actually see who's here.
Sheriff: But we don't know who they are!
Deputy 2: Did you ever notice how accurate, say, Facebook is at suggesting who you should tag in a photo?
Deputy 2: So, you think some, yes, admittedly large social media site is going to have better facial recognition software than the government? And with the tens of millions of tagged photos already on Facebook, well...
Sheriff: Ah. So... we're not overwhelmed?
Deputy 1: Uh, no.
Sheriff: But we're confused?
Deputy 2: No, not that either.
Sheriff: So this did...?
Deputy 1: It made a lot of people who were unable or unwilling to take actual action, feel better about themselves? Or if they felt like signing a petition, writing letters, calling their government officials, and donation supplies wasn't enough, they could do this.
Deputy 2: But mostly the first, I suspect.
Sheriff: Oh, okay then, uh, carry on?
Deputy 2; Will do.
* Please note I'm not mocking those defending what they feel is right. This is completely directed at the ridiculousness of "overwhelming and confusing" the police department with fake check-ins. Because, really? This is going to "protect" people? Really? I can't even imagine how it could. And I have a pretty good imagination...
I keep saying I want to, and then don't. Aside from the occasional rant, which is far, far from what my Facebook is, where I try to keep things light and drama-free. I'm not saying I'll never rant here, but maybe some posts other than rants would be nice.
I'm not good at a schedule or daily thing, though, so as much as I'd like to break out my week into Make It Monday, Tutorial Tuesday, Wordless Wednesday, Thirsty Thursday, Foodie or Fiction Friday, and Snapshot Saturday, I don't think it's going to happen. Fun thinking up names, though!
Except I don't see Thirsty Thursday working out, not enough drinks. And Make It Monday and Tutorial Tuesday are too similar and too close together. See? Problems already! And my interests are too varied, where would movie talk and books and bad limericks fit in? It'd need to be more general. Argh!
Or, you know, I could just post about things whenever without the catchy titles. Pfffff. What fun is that?
I need to get out of the rut of planning and never doing. One of these days... :/
Facebook is the devil, and I rue the day I ended up with so many... friends of a certain ilk.
Today's tidbit, which I only saw because someone liked a post of someone I'm not friends with (seriously, FB, just show me my actual friends' god damn posts and stop stuffing my news feed with crap they "like" and "comment on"), was about women drinking.
Which they only do because, obviously, men are evil and life is hard as a woman and they refuse to stand up for themselves and are therefore pathetic, horrible creatures and sober, strong women pity and mock them. As you do, when you want to, you know, support your gender, right? Right.
I don't drink a glass of wine on my back patio while knitting or whatever because I'm stressed or don't have enough me time or feel like men are evil. I have that glass of wine because... I like wine. I know, shocker, right? That can't be right! I'm making a *choice* based some on what I *want* and *enjoy*. Certainly not! It can't be! I'm a women, therefore, society, men, evils, blah blah blah.
Look, I get it. There are sexist people out there. It's true. I'm an engineer, not exactly the most "feminine" of fields. I deal with construction workers, which you think would be (based on stereotypes) the least equal-minded.
And yet who do I get the most nasty, judgemental comments from?
Yeah, you guessed it. Women.
I'm not doing enough to fight for equality! (Except, you know, living it) I'm too fat! (Fuck you) I shouldn't like cooking/crafts/girly things! (See: fuck you) I shouldn't like football/guns/cars! (I think you know where I'm going here)
Old-school women who think I should be at home having babies. New, strident feminists who think I'm not vocal or mean enough about the evils of men. Women who judge my hair, my clothes, my body.
Are men judging me? Probably. It's human nature to judge. But oddly, they're not the ones I see/hear the most.
I talked to a guy in line at the grocery store the other day. Perfectly nice chat about nothing, just passing the time. Woman at the grocery store today, eying me up and down and turning away with a sneer (so I look a little frumpy in the ritzy part of town, sue me).
So I'm sorry I won't jump on that bandwagon, I can't handle that much vitriol in my life. I really thought living my life and *showing* that I was equal was enough. I thought making choices that were right for me (because it's about choice, right?) was enough. Apparently, I was wrong.
I have a toothache today, so this might be more grouchy than usual... But hopefully I can plow through the rest and be done!
Week 10, exercise one:
Making to-done (ta-dah) lists of your accomplishments that day, to give you a sense of, well, accomplishment.
This kinda goes hand in hand with writing things you've already done on your to-do list so you can immediately cross them off.
Week 10, exercise two:
List 5 personal situations that are still sore spots, lingering resentments, sources of self-pity. Then address each one and see what you can do about it.
Week 10, exercise three:
Write a want ad for your perfect creative partner.
Week 10, exercise four:
Answering questions leading you to who has been your sidekick/inspiration in your creative endeavors. And writing a letter. To them. And to you (from then, I assume?)
(So close to done, my face hurts...)
Week 11, exercise one:
List 50 things your heart loves (oxygen, red blood cells...)
Week 11, exercise one point five:
List 10 times you got creative encouragement, and note if you ignored, discounted, or acted upon it.
Week 11, exercise three:
List 25 things you are proud of yourself for doing (not defacing this library book...). No, but really, I'm all for having positive lists, as long as it doesn't morph into narcissism (Which, for most, it won't). Most of us need to be reminded of how awesome we are, and sometimes you just can't wait around for someone else to do it.
Week 11, exercise four:
List 10 creative injuries or disappointments you're not let yourself grieve.
(Sooooo close, keep going!)
Week 12, exercise one:
Again, answering questions about how to make sure you have time/space/privacy for your artistic endeavors. Not at ask an issue for me.
Week 12, exercise two:
List 10 activities that make you feel grounded. I don't know about "grounded", but I think it's good to remember certain activities that can help you when you're feeling stressed out, or frustrated, or down. I know that despite living listening to audiobooks, sometimes I really need to crank up some music in my car, and that folding cranes is very soothing (as is knitting, more so than crochet).
Week 12, exercise three:
I hear dead people. No, really, ask for help from your ancestors and write down what you hear. Yeah... No. This is, of course, a personal thing, and your mileage may vary, but it's not my cup of tea.
Week 12, exercise four:
Allow yourself to marvel... go to a bookstore and buy a children's book on a subject you like.
Aaaaaaand done! I know I didn't read it thoroughly, and brushed off some (most) of the exercises, but I really don't think they'd help me as I pretty obviously didn't need that kind of help. All the things she said were issues... just weren't for me. I don't struggle with finding time, or with people discouraging me, or paat resentments. I'm... pretty prolific in my "art" (not saying good, just... prolific). Do I think some of the exercises in this book could help some people? Maybe? I'm not really sure, on the balance, self-help books really, truly help that many people, because the people who buy self-help books tend to buy lots of them, indicating they still feel like they need help... I don't know. Upshot: my most hated genre. Ever.
If you remember (or care) when I did the "Woman Unleashed" course I signed up for aaaaaaall the free content the people offered (Except Willowing, I think, because I was already doing Lifebook and had all of that, and already somehow get her email on both my addresses). I did use an anonymous, web-based email (that was harder to get than I thought these days!) so I wouldn't have to deal with the fallout in the months, years, decades that followed. And while it's bad, to be honest, it's not as bad as I thought. Since the end of the program, that email box had only racked up about 250 emails. Between 1-3 a day, it seems. Still, glad it's in an email I don't have to deal with daily, though I do need to go back and look through those at some point, especially since one of the things was 27 days of writing prompts. They came in a day at a time and are buried in there somewhere!
Speaking of content you don't want to see, a person left a note on one of my beaunicorn post expressly telling me to stop. And that no one wants to see it, if you said you enjoyed it, you lied. Because of who this person is, my actual response was toned down (no swearing involved!) but don't worry (or, I suppose, be sad) because I'm not going to stop. I like it, I find it fun, and if you don't, well, don't follow me (that was rather the upshot of my response). Who is anyone to dictate what someone puts on their page? Do I see things I would rather not? Sure. That's what the "hide post" button is for (or, more effectively, FB Purity
s key word blockers). Or you can just unfollow someone. They probably won't notice. And you can always go to their page now and then, when you feel up to it, and leave a comment. They'll never know.
Really, that didn't make me mad, but it did give me a moment of "what's up with THAT?!" which, as cynical as I think I am, was rather an odd experience. I tend to expect the worst from people, but it still caught me a little off-guard, as in "REALLY?!" Refreshing, in a way, that people can still surprise me, sad in that it's in the negative way.
I'm really just randomly typing this right now because my task for today was to tackle some clean-up. Someone saw my craft room (it is really bad, I cleaned another room out and it bore the brunt of the shoving) and was horrified. And, honestly, I'm a little horrified by it right now. I wanted to spend today just cleaning it up, and finding a place for the stuff I have in bags in my office (the yarn for the Merphghan, and the stuff I have for "sale" in the Shop the Swap swap on Craftster - I have to keep that in one place, or when someone "buys" something I will spend forever looking for it!).
Wish me luck, and if you don't hear from me in a few days, please send in a search&rescue team, I may be trapped under a farbricalanche. ;p